Baby It's Christmas: A Secret Baby Holiday Romance Page 3

  And that was also fair, she grudgingly admitted to herself. Cyrus was a sweet kid, and she hoped everything was okay with him. He hadn’t had an easy childhood.

  “Tell Cyrus I said hi!” Ivy piped in, ignorant of the tension between her parents.

  Connor seemed shaken by her comment.

  “You know Cyrus?”

  Ivy giggled, “Of course, silly. He’s my friend.”

  She leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, “He used to walk me home from home sometimes when Mom was working. And sometimes he’d buy me ice cream!” She giggled again with the glee of getting an unsanctioned treat.

  Connor was floored.

  No. There’s no way that Cyrus knows who Ivy is. He would have called me. Found some way to contact me. Right?

  “Can you bring him with you on Friday?”

  “Of course, sport. I’ll ask him.” Connor looked piercingly at Neve, but she was looking down and didn’t seem to want to make eye-contact again.

  There were so many surprises, so many questions. Connor decided to let this one go – for now.

  “I should get going,” Connor said softly. “But I’ll be back.”

  He hadn’t even given her those words that night when he’d left, Neve thought.

  “Okay.”

  He nodded at her answer and then stood up. Her eyes dropped down to his muscled chest, his toned body visible even through his open winter jacket. God, how she wished he’d gotten portly and unattractive while he aged. But he hadn’t. He’d only gotten better with time. More delicious, more manly, more…everything.

  Jesus, try not to start salivating all over him now, will ya? Obviously her mind was going to battle with her body every time she was in the same room with the jerk.

  “Bye, Ivy. Bye, Neve,” he said quietly, his voice low and teasing her senses. Ivy waved enthusiastically, but she couldn’t. Couldn’t wish him goodbye like he wanted. Her thoughts and feelings were still all caught up in that night. Realizing that he wasn’t coming back. That he’d left her without so much as a note or a phone call.

  Just one day after he’d promised her everything. Promised her forever.

  Chapter 6

  Connor left, feeling like he should’ve done more, should’ve said more. But like so many years ago, he couldn’t figure out the right words to say. To make her understand that it hadn’t been about her. He’d wanted to stay with her, more than anything. But it hadn’t been possible.

  She was better off in her new life, with Ivy, without him. She should find a banker or a lawyer or someone good like her to settle down with. Not him. He had too many secrets, too much baggage.

  He walked back to the old trailer that he’d grown up in. The memories here were dark and somber, but there were some good times mixed in. Good times with Cyrus and Neve. Those were the only two people he’d ever allowed inside his life. The only ones he trusted.

  But when the time had come, he’d chosen to leave them both.

  He hadn’t wanted to place them in harm’s way. That was the only thing he could do for them.

  He slammed the front door, a force of habit that had always irritated his father. “Cyrus? You here?”

  Cyrus came out from around the corner, his face a comedic picture of pure shock. “Connor? Is that really you?”

  Connor laughed. “Do you not recognize your own brother? Geez, kid…are you that old that you’re losing your memory already?”

  Cyrus didn’t laugh back. “I didn’t think you were ever coming back.”

  He swallowed, hearing Cyrus’s words but not able to address them yet. “I got a call. They’re going to kick you out of school. What are you doing?”

  Cyrus didn’t answer. He just plopped down onto a battered plaid couch in the middle of the living room.

  “None of your business. You’re not my father.”

  “Lucky for you,” Connor breathed. Very lucky. Because Connor had been raised by his father, he knew that it wasn’t always a blessing having a father figure around. He’d have been better off by himself, raising his smaller younger brother away from the virus that was his genetic contributor.

  “What was that?” Cyrus asked, not paying attention as he turned on the TV and started watching some pranking reality show.

  Connor walked over to the TV set and turned it off, blocking it with his massive body. “We’re going to talk. And better now than after you’ve been expelled.”

  Cyrus scoffed. “They’re not really going to expel me, ya know. They’re just saying that to get you back here, to your hometown. Like some kind of celebrity that’s going to help bring tourists back into a dying town.”

  Connor paused. “What are you talking about?”

  Cyrus looked at him, ever the angsty teenager. He reminded Connor of himself at that age. Too good for everyone, yet not good enough for himself.

  That was why he’d been so drawn to Neve right away. She was everything good in the world, and he was everything dark and shady. And, in the end, he hadn’t wanted the shadows he had to hide to spoil her radiance. He’d sooner die than let that happen to her.

  “They just wanted you back here. Figured you’d bring TV Connor around the same time as the Christmas parade,” Cyrus said, looking bored.

  “I don’t have any TV Connors with me,” Connor said, still not exactly following.

  “Well, I know that, and you know that, but they didn’t figure on that.”

  Connor shook his head to clear it. “Who’s they?”

  “I don’t know. The board members and mayor and all those people. You know, the ones in charge of making this town a booming success before the county merges it with the village border and we’re forced to join schools and post offices and stuff.”

  “I didn’t know,” Connor admitted. “Is the town really hurting?”

  Cyrus shrugged. “I guess so. I mean, I hear people talking about it but I’m not sure why it would affect me.”

  “Wait,” Connor said, piecing it together in his brain. “You still live here, right? In the old trailer?”

  “Yessss,” Cyrus said, furrowing his brow. “Why?”

  “Because it’s right on the town border. We’re grandfathered in, but if this is rezoned, there’s no way they let another trailer on this piece of land. It’s zoned for commercial property and they’ll snatch it up quicker than you can move this hunk of junk off of it,” Connor warned, angry at himself for not knowing this was happening. He supposed it was his own fault though, for not keeping tabs on his hometown or his brother as closely as he should’ve been.

  “Oh,” Cyrus said, looking more concerned after Connor’s statement. “They could really do that? Kick me out of this? Aren’t there laws against that? Forcing minors to be homeless?”

  Connor sighed. “It’s more complicated than that. You’re eighteen, so you’re not a minor. And while you were a minor, it’s not like you could make the payments or actually own this.”

  “Wait, so who technically owns it?” Cyrus asked, looking around like someone was going to come out of the woodwork and claim ownership rights. “Don’t tell me it still belongs to…”

  Connor cut him off before he could finish that thought. “I own it.”

  “Since when?”

  Connor cleared his throat. “Uh, since I was eighteen.”

  Cyrus stood up. Then sat back down with a thud. “And since it hasn’t been repossessed, I assume that you…”

  Connor nodded at the unspoken question. “Yeah, I kept up payments on it. Of course, I did. I tried to do a hell of a lot more, but Dad wouldn’t hear of it,” he grumbled under his breath, the bitterness caused by his father still enough to eat away at him.

  “Oh, uh. Thanks,” Cyrus said begrudgingly. “If I would’ve known you were making payments, I would’ve taken it over. I just assumed…”

  Connor waved it off. “It wasn’t a problem. It’s not like this place is worth a lot. And this land is worth every penny, even if the trailer isn’t.”

&n
bsp; He looked around at the inside of the house trailer. Cyrus had decorated it more in his style, with alternate rock bands and concert tickets posted on the inside, but the furnishings were all the same. They’d been outdated when Connor had lived here, and now they were positively antique. But, it’d been all he could afford back when he was in high school, and even before that.

  His dad was usually too drunk and his mother too high to think about making a payment on the trailer or the land. He’d had no one to trust but himself at an early age.

  He sat down on the recliner that his dad had frequented more often than not. “Cy, we need to talk. Even if this was some ploy to get me back in this town, are you really going to tell me that you’re not in trouble in school? That it was a false alarm? Something made up?”

  Cyrus had the sense to look embarrassed. “Well, no, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to get expelled. It was just a warning.”

  “Warning based on what? What did you do?” Connor asked, taking on the parent role.

  Cyrus mumbled something that Connor couldn’t hear. “What was that?”

  Cyrus said, “Fighting.”

  Heaving a sigh, Connor asked, “Why? Didn’t you learn anything from me? I made all of the same mistakes and look where it’s gotten me.”

  “Exactly!” Cyrus exclaimed, standing up. “Look where it’s gotten you! A hit TV show! Fame, power, money, women…anything you want, any one you want!”

  “Not any one,” Connor muttered.

  “What do you mean?” Cyrus asked, confused. “Did you go after some hot babe and get rejected? Was it one of the Kardashians? A supermodel? I heard you and that hot tattoo chick got together after the show aired. Dope…”

  Connor’s head thudded back against the back of the recliner.

  “It wasn’t like that. What I wanted, what I really wanted was back here. Exactly where I’d left it.”

  His mind drifted to Neve and Ivy. They were what he’d always wanted. A family. A perfectly beautiful family with nothing to hide, no reason to run. But that hadn’t been the life for him. He could never have that. Not here, not in this town. Even with the ghosts of his past put to bed, he couldn’t do that to her.

  Cyrus stayed quiet for a moment. “So, I take it you know.”

  Connor’s head whipped in his direction. “You knew?”

  His younger brother looked away. “We all knew. Everyone in the town knew. Neve was a good girl. Everyone knew she wouldn’t sleep around, and the timing was right. You’d been gone maybe five months when she started showing.”

  “Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you tell me?” Connor asked, his voice hoarse with emotion.

  Cyrus shrugged. “And say what? You knew what you were leaving behind. And Neve is…amazing. I still don’t know how she did it all on her own. Her parents…weren’t easy to deal with at first. She’s a lot stronger than she looks. She put up with all the looks and the stares and the judgement. And not once did she bad mouth you, at least not in public that I ever heard.”

  Connor felt sick. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It was like his worst nightmare was coming true. He’d left so that nothing like this would happen to her, and instead he was finding out that his actions had done exactly that.

  He’d hurt her and probably ruined her future. Everybody believed the worst of him, and that was fine. But he couldn’t hear about people judging her, being rude to her. She’d done nothing wrong in this. Everything had been his fault.

  He’d left her so that she could build a life – a good life. Without him. To remove himself before he did any lasting damage and instead, he’d essentially thrown her to the wolves.

  He’d never forgive himself for that.

  “Dude, relax,” Cyrus said, shifting closer to his chair and putting a hand on his shoulder. But then his little brother’s voice got hard. “I wasn’t telling you all that to make you feel bad. I just wanted you to know so that you didn’t ever do anything like that to her again.”

  Connor looked up into Cyrus’s earnest young face. A face that was currently looking at him with a lot of fierce emotion. He bit back a curse. “Are you threatening me? Giving me the whole don’t-hurt-her-or-else speech?”

  Cyrus grinned. “You know it, bro. I had to perfect it while you were gone just in case you came back and tried anything with her. And Ivy, she’s cool shit.”

  “Watch your mouth,” Connor said without thinking, the reflex automatic.

  Cyrus just laughed harder. “Same old Connor.”

  Connor grinned back. “Same old Cyrus. What are you doing on Friday night?”

  Chapter 7

  Neve had started seeing him everywhere. He was in the supermarket that she went to, at the gas station she pumped her gas at, in the library that she picked up Ivy’s books at. Finally, when she saw him at her hair dresser, she called him out on it.

  She dragged him out, cape and all, onto the sidewalk, ignoring the bitingly cold winter air. “Are you following me?”

  He looked like he was about to grin and laugh, but one warning look from her and his face straightened. “I’m not following you, Neve. It’s a small town. I needed a haircut.”

  “And gas for your nonexistent car?” she retorted, looking at him pointedly.

  This time, he did grin. “Yup.”

  She shook her head, saw his eyes follow the trail of her auburn hair as it fell back on her shoulders. “Don’t look at me that way.”

  “What way?” he asked, staring at her in exactly that way.

  “Like…like…you still feel something,” she muttered, her body starting to heat just from being near him, in spite of the chill in the air. What was it about him that could still make her feel this way? That after all this time had passed, made her feel like she was seeing him for the first time? Like she would give him anything, even herself, if he asked?

  “I will always feel something for you, Neve,” he confessed with a low, rough voice.

  She struggled to remain impassive, keep herself under control. “You can’t just say things like that, Connor. It’s not fair.”

  He sighed. “Look, I’m not trying to make this harder than it already is for you – I swear it.”

  Just by being here, he was making it hard. Everything about this situation was hard. She could deal with him being in the big city, only ever having to see or hear him on her TV screen. It was harder to avoid him here, in his hometown, with so many memories flitting through her mind. Thoughts of what might have been and what could have been had he not left.

  “Just stay away from me,” she said in a tight voice, not wanting to draw attention to them and also not trusting her voice not to shake if it got any louder.

  Connor grinned. “Kinda hard to do that when you have my daughter living with you, babe.”

  Neve gasped, not just at the mention of their daughter, but also the pet name. She wasn’t ready for this. She was already regretting offering that he could come over tomorrow night and see Ivy.

  “Don’t.” she growled.

  He groaned. “Then don’t look at me like that.”

  “Like what,” she breathed, her mind not fully functioning.

  “Like you want me to kiss you,” he whispered, his eyes staring into hers so deep it was like he could see into her soul.

  “I do?” she asked, trying to catch her breath, trying to calm her heart rate down.

  “You want me to kiss you?” he growled, taking half a step closer to her. So close that she could see his nostrils flare as he took in her scent. So close that she could see how his pupils dilated until his eyes were almost purely black.

  Thankfully, she came to her senses. She took a step back. And then another. And another. Until she was a safe distance away. She mentally shook her head.

  What was she doing? She needed to stay away from Connor. Hadn’t she already shown both herself and him that she lacked control around him? And clearly, he couldn’t be counted on to maintain their distance either. “My jacket is i
nside, and it’s cold outside. I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you Friday.”

  He waited a moment, and then nodded. “Yeah, absolutely. I wouldn’t miss it.”

  She nodded, going back inside. Right before she walked in the door, she looked back at him. “Well? Didn’t you want to get that haircut?”

  She didn’t wait to see the wide grin that she knew so well flash across his face.

  Chapter 8

  Connor watched her with Ivy. They were both so beautiful. The daughter that they’d created, and the woman he’d loved for half of his life. He watched them play in the front yard, watched Ivy scream as Neve tickled her. This was like a dream.

  His dream. The dream he never knew he had.

  Some men dreamed of fame and power and women. But this, this was his fantasy come to life. Neve, in all her natural beauty, and Ivy, the perfect combination of the two of them. They were all he wanted, all he’d ever wanted. And still, he was haunted. He knew it was too late. He’d never get Neve back. All he could hope for was a relationship with Ivy, his daughter. Their daughter.

  As if on cue, Neve saw him standing at the curb. A momentary flash of a smile passed across her face before she quickly changed it into a scowl. It had been quick, but he’d seen it.

  Didn’t that prove that her first reaction to him could, one day, be something other than pain? There was still softness in her gaze, she just covered it quickly.

  His first feeling when he looked at her had changed too. Now, first and foremost, he felt protective. He’d do anything so that she never had to hurt again, never had to go through the suffering she had endured because of him.

  He’d die before he let something happen to her or Ivy. They were his, even if they never really could be.

  “Are you going to come into the house?” Ivy asked, pulling on his hand. She was sneaky, this daughter of his. Just like he’d been when he was a kid. Just like Cyrus had been.

  “I am indeed, sport. Lead the way,” he offered, sparing a minute to glance over at Neve. Her emerald eyes flickered with awareness, but she didn’t say anything. He held out his hand, unable to stop himself. He’d loved holding her hand. Something about the way his roughened grip was double the size of her own soft hand had always made him feel like he was enveloping her.