Baby It's Christmas: A Secret Baby Holiday Romance Page 2

  She couldn’t help but stare, her gaze devouring him, taking in every inch of his matured frame and stopping to linger on his sensual mouth and lips. Judging by the fire that suddenly lit in his eyes, there was no doubt in her mind that he could see her body coming alive to him.

  Dammit! That was the last thing she wanted to show to him right now.

  “It’s getting cold. We should probably go inside,” Neve choked out, but only after she dropped her gaze to her feet.

  Get it together. With all the good memories came a lot of bad ones. Terrible memories of loneliness, fear, and longing for something she’d doubted she could ever have again.

  “Are your parents home?” he asked, pulling her out of her reverie.

  Neve couldn’t help but laugh. “Some things really never do change.” Neve remembered that Connor used to hate seeing her parents.

  They were very clean-cut suburban parents, and he could never help but be embarrassed about the neglect that the whole town knew his own parents showed him and his brother. So instead of showing the townspeople embarrassment, he had projected a cold and aggressive demeanor towards almost anyone other than Neve.

  “No, they’re not here. They moved to Arizona and this is now my home,” Neve explained. She almost wished her parents would have been there, if only to make him as uncomfortable as she felt now. But he didn’t seem uncomfortable, even though she knew that he was still struggling with the secret she’d kept all these years from him.

  Neve turned to walk into the house, and the feeling of Connor following behind her brought her back to years ago. How many times he’d followed her just so, waiting for her to go into her parent’s house first. Always the gentleman with her. As the clack of the screen against the doorframe echoed through the kitchen, Neve turned to face Connor, her hips leaning against the counter top. She could hear her daughter running across the floor upstairs.

  “What is she looking for?” Connor asked hesitantly.

  “Her name is Ivy, and she’s looking for all the drawings she has made for you,” Neve answered with a level tone. She watched as his face blanched.

  “I didn’t know, I had no idea…” he began to trail off.

  She was aware that he had no idea. She was also aware that it had been her choice, but his fault that it was so.

  Neve looked at the man standing in front of her, and his reaction to learning he had a child was a far cry from the response she had expected. He seemed…hurt. His hands were shoved in his pockets and his furrowed brow was aimed at her intently, but the malice she expected must have been buried deep in the shock of the discovery.

  However, her own anger was right there at the surface.

  “You had no way of knowing, because I had no way of finding you,” Neve finally let out curtly. She was surprised by her ability to speak the words that had haunted her for years now. “The only reason I even knew you were alive was because I’d seen you on TV – after you’d been gone for four years. Imagine my surprise.”

  Her flat tone clearly made him feel uncomfortable. He shuffled his feet. “I have no explanation for that, Neve,” Connor finally responded, unwilling to bring the truth into the conversation. “I was a child. We were so young…” he trailed off again.

  “No, you were a child. I was forced to grow up,” she said, looking up at the ceiling where footsteps could still be heard.

  “I want to be part of her life,” Connor suddenly said, standing up straight.

  “You are her father, and you are entitled to time with her,” Neve whispered after a long pause.

  She couldn’t help but think about the money Connor had now—money that could be used to take her daughter away. Not to mention, she had no idea who this man was anymore. His showing up had shocked Neve to the point of near numbness. Like a limb that had fallen asleep, her senses were beginning to re-awaken, and Connor’s presence was causing mountains of fear and anxiety rather than comfort.

  A tear fell down her cheek as she struggled to rein in her roiling emotions.

  “How much longer do you think Ivy will be?” she heard Connor ask as she kept her face tilted down towards the floor.

  “I have the drawings in a box in the garage. She won’t find them until she asks,” Neve explained in a shaky voice, and then bent down to take off her boots, in a futile effort to distract herself from the man standing in front of her. “I wanted some time alone with you. We need to figure out what we’re going to do before she gets back. I won’t have her be thrust into the disagreement between the two of us.”

  “What disagreement?” he asked, confused.

  She scoffed and then sniffed, which ruined her harsh sound. She removed her jacket and hung it up before putting on a brave face, and turning to face Connor once more. “Obviously there was some reason why you left all those years ago. So, let’s hear it. Spit it out now, before she gets back.”

  He shifted his feet uncomfortably. “Neve, it wasn’t like that.”

  “Then what was it like?” Her voice was cold, patiently waiting on an answer she was almost certain he wouldn’t provide. Might never provide. Because that was Connor – dangerous, mysterious, and unwilling to trust another person. Or maybe that had changed, but just not with her.

  He sighed. “I’m not ready to do this right now. Not yet. I’m only in town because I need to sort out some things with Cyrus.”

  She was surprised at that. “Cyrus? What’s wrong with Cyrus?”

  “Nothing serious. At least, nothing I didn’t do too, when I was his age,” Connor replied with a slight grin, obviously trying to lighten the mood. And failing.

  “I’m surprised that you actually stayed in contact with him. Although, it’s fairly clear where your priorities were at that point in your life, if that’s the case. Did you tell him that you were leaving at least? Give him some warning so he could prepare?” Her voice wavered at the end, something that she hated but honestly, it was amazing she’d lasted this long without breaking down.

  He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “Cyrus had nothing to do with why I left, Neve. Leave him out of this.”

  Then the footsteps could be heard racing down the stairs, and Ivy asked her mother where the drawings were. The moment was broken, none too soon for either party. Both heaved a sigh of relief before realizing that no decision or justification had been made.

  Chapter 4

  Connor had watched his daughter leap up the steps and into the house. He realized he hadn’t even asked her name, and but to be honest, his whole world was still spinning. Standing in the kitchen now with Neve, knowing he had a beautiful little girl named Ivy and seeing the girl he had once loved now as a beautiful woman, Connor could hardly process his feelings.

  Why wasn’t he more angry?

  He had always been a logical man. Even in the tattoo show where he judged, he was regarded as the realistic judge. He knew that for any unfairness that he felt Neve had inflicted upon him, he had easily done double to her. This point had been driven home earlier when he caught a glimpse of the lone tear running slowly down her face.

  It took all of his willpower not to reach out and wipe that tear away. To not pull her into his arms and whisper into her ear until she felt better. He could tell that she was trying to be strong. Neve had always been a confident and powerful person. In high school she had been well loved by most classmates, and in class she was a force to be reckoned with when debating academic material. With him, she had never buckled to his opinions, despite his tough exterior. It was one of the worst feelings he had ever endured to watch her struggle to hold back the tears, and know that he was the reason why she cried.

  How could I have left her? Fuck, I’m such an asshole.

  He couldn’t believe that he had done this to her. He couldn’t believe that he had never looked back. But that thought caused him to begin to think about why he had left, and the discomfort of that caused him to shut down that line of thinking. Instead, he returned his gaze to
Neve, while she removed her winter jacket. God, she looked even better to him than she had back then. How could that be? It was like her curves had filled in and the graceful way she moved made his stomach clench.

  Her hair was longer now, a luxurious mass of waves that fell down past her breasts—her full and round breasts that he so often caught himself daydreaming about. Her legs were long and shapely and even in her wariness and uncertainty, her body called to him. So many nights he had dreamed of her legs wrapped around him, and the small cries she made when she came apart in his arms. Waking with a Neve-induced hard-on meant a very long cold shower, where he was forced to take himself in hand. Because those dreams wouldn’t stop until he did.

  The desire in Connor was wreaking havoc through his body, and no other woman had ever managed to affect him so intensely. He closed his eyes in an attempt to calm his pulsing cock and straighten his now hazy thoughts, but when he opened them, her large emerald eyes were looking at him curiously. The soft pink fullness of her lips called to him and her chin was angled towards his, as though asking what he was thinking about.

  He realized that the anger he was waiting for wasn’t going to present itself, especially with Neve’s sad face looking back at him. What he couldn’t understand was why Neve had even let him inside, or even let him speak to Ivy. She had every right in the world to hate him. She had every right to tell their daughter that he was dead or had abandoned them. She had every right to scream at him to get off her property the moment he’d appeared.

  Instead, she had told their daughter about him, she had shown him to her on the television and allowed her to love him. She had allowed her daughter to dream about a good father, and draw pictures for him – that Neve hadn’t burned or torn to shreds. And when he appeared from out of nowhere, Neve had the love and compassion in her heart to invite him into their home.

  This was the same girl he had loved so much. The same girl that had held him when he had problems at home, the girl that had accepted him, even though he was an angry rebel and she was a beautiful and popular cheerleader. The same girl who had run her hands through his hair and whispered that she would never leave him. The girl he had tried to forget with money and art and TV shows all these years had remained the same amazing person she had always been.

  When he heard small steps coming down the stairs, he turned to see Ivy rounding the corner.

  “What’s wrong with Mommy?” Ivy asked, looking back over Connor’s shoulder.

  Turning, he saw what Ivy saw. Neve’s cheeks were flushed, and the remnants of dried tears showed on her cheeks. Her green eyes were haunted, although she was plainly trying to cover her expression form Ivy’s keen gaze. A small shudder wracked her body as she got herself back together, pasting a smile on her face while she casually brushed the dampness from her face.

  “Nothing, honey! I was just looking for the drawings too and now I’m all out of breath! Let me check the garage.”

  And with that, Neve turned on her heels towards the garage door. Ivy stood scrutinizing her father.

  “You’ll love my artwork…um - Daddy? It’s just like yours!”

  The slight hesitation when she said that word was just enough to punch a hole through Connor’s chest.

  Goddamn, I’ve missed so much.

  “Oh yeah? What’s your favorite thing to draw?” Connor asked, the tightness in his throat making his voice sound rough.

  As she talked, he saw the same light in Ivy that had always glittered in Neve. Ivy was animated and boisterous, unafraid to share her thoughts and feelings, and seemingly undeterred by his lack of familiarity. He knelt down so he could be on her level, and she casually flung an arm around his neck and sat on his knee as she looked into his eyes and told him about dragons and butterflies she had drawn just like his own.

  Engrossed in every word spilling from his child’s mouth, he hadn’t even heard Neve close the garage door and come back in. He fought not to look at her, knowing that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to focus his attention on Ivy.

  “I like that one a lot,” he said, pointing to a picture that was hanging on the fridge. It had branches like a tree, but it was made up of flowers.

  Ivy looked over his shoulder at the piece of paper he’d been referencing. “Mommy likes that one too. She said it reminds her of this other tree.”

  Connor looked up slowly at Neve, hoping that he would find remembrance, maybe fondness, or some other emotion on her face. It couldn’t be a coincidence. That tree had to be the one where they had…it did, right?

  But instead, when he looked at her, he saw only a stony stare. That same hard look she’d had earlier, like she didn’t want to show him any emotions at all. It gutted him, knowing that she felt like she had to protect her heart and soul from him.

  He supposed that was fair. If she felt anything at all like he did at this moment, showing any emotion would be like opening a floodgate. He didn’t want to show everything at once, bare his soul to her, and he assumed that she felt the same way.

  More so, actually. He was quite sure that under her civil exterior, Neve hated his guts.

  And she should.

  Never had he ever thought he’d be that guy.

  The guy that abandoned his child and his woman. It fucking tore him up inside to think about it.

  After the shitty way he had been raised, he had made a vow to himself early on that he’d never have children. He didn’t know the first thing about being a good father and he refused to let another child suffer as he had suffered. Cyrus too, although their father had never abused Cyrus. He saved that special treatment for the eldest.

  And thank fuck for that. Cyrus was way too fragile as a child to handle that asshole – or his fists.

  “Listen, Ivy. I should probably get going. At least for today.”

  Ivy pouted, grabbing his hand. “No! You can’t! I haven’t shown you the rest of my drawings.”

  Neve stepped in, disengaging her hand. “Ivy, sweetie, we can’t monopolize Connor’s time. I’m sure he has plenty of other people to see now that he’s in town.”

  She looked at him pointedly over Ivy’s head, her eyes hard. She’d made her point. And it was fair. If he wouldn’t tell her why he’d left, she could choose to assume whatever she wanted.

  And he couldn’t correct it. To do that would be the same as telling her the truth, and he wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready for that.

  Connor cleared his throat. “Yeah, sport. I better take off, at least for today. But can I see you tomorrow?”

  “Tomorrow’s Monday,” Ivy giggled. “I have school.”

  He flushed. Of course, she had school. He had known that he was a dad for less than an hour, so school schedules weren’t exactly his forte. “Right. How about on Friday night then?”

  Ivy looked up at Neve, her cute little gaze pleading. With her bottom lip trembling, Ivy had clearly perfected the art of the puppy dog stare, just like her mom had back in high school.

  Neve sighed. “Fine. But you come here. I don’t feel comfortable with you taking her anywhere just yet.”

  Connor nodded. “That’s fair. Of course, I expect you to chaperone as long as you want. In fact, I prefer it. I’m not really sure what I’m doing anyway.”

  He gave her a small smile, hoping to at least lighten the mood. But instead, Neve remained stoic in front of him.

  Chapter 5

  Neve struggled to remain calm, and not lose her temper. She hadn’t even known that she’d had one until today. And she was dangerously close to losing her control over it. She was reaching the end of her patience with this situation. With Connor. Back in her house. With her daughter, with their daughter.

  Why couldn’t she have been warned? Even a few minutes would have allowed her enough time to hold back the reeling feeling in her mind. It was like her whole world had stopped, then started, then stalled, and was now moving along jaggedly, as if trying to catch up with itself.

  And his perfect
smile was not helping. She refused to be charmed by him. Not again. Never again. She would never fall victim to that famous charm again.

  Because the last time she had, he’d left. And ripped her heart out in the process. And damn him if he ever tried to take Ivy from her.

  Looking at him now, she wanted to believe that it would never happen. But the fact was, she didn’t even know this man. She hadn’t known him when he was a teenager either, clearly, since he’d been able to leave without a second look. And she couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t attempt to gain custody of Ivy if he suddenly decided he needed to go back to civilization and wanted a souvenir when he went.

  “Sure. Friday. Here. Make it after five so I can be home after work to meet you,” she said. This was not a negotiation. She was laying down the rules, and she wanted to make that known right from the get-go.

  Connor nodded before she even had a chance to finish. “Yup, makes sense. I have some things to do before then anyway.”

  “What things?” she asked. Immediately, she wished she could take the words back. Right now, she had no right to ask him anything. And she didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to get caught up in whatever mess Connor and Cyrus were in now.

  “Neve, I just…I have to do some things.”

  Nodding, she started to back away. “Of course, you do. Connor, ever the mystery.”

  He sighed. “It’s not like that. I’m just not sure how much Cyrus would want me to tell you right now. I haven’t even had a chance to talk to him myself.”

  She didn’t want to admit it, but that was fair. Whatever had brought him back, it was Cyrus’s deal, not his own. And Connor was unfailingly loyal. At least when it came to everyone but her. With her, he’d left without even a look backwards. But Cyrus…he’d move heaven and earth to save Cyrus.