Baby It's Christmas: A Secret Baby Holiday Romance Read online

  She hesitated for a moment and he felt the tug on his other hand as Ivy tried to drag him along, oblivious to the dilemma that was currently waging in her mother. After a few seconds, Neve reached out and grabbed his hand. He felt the shock of it slide up his arm and into his chest. But his fingers instantly grasped hers tightly. His thumb brushed over the back of her hand lightly, and the tingle increased. Her eyes shot up to his and they locked gazes, the moment frozen in time.

  Neve’s breath hitched as they seemed to be thrown back in time, the sensations of déjà vu overtaking them in waves. He felt her fingers trembling in his and he squeezed to help her relax. He wanted this night to start off well, not make her feel uncomfortable.

  She shook her head slightly, asking, “Where’s Cyrus? I thought you were bringing him?”

  “I was. I am. He’s coming a little later, just in time for dinner of course. The kid literally hasn’t stopped eating since I got back.”

  Neve laughed, the sound like a tinkle of bells that made him grip her hand even tighter. “I can understand that. I remember what you were like when you were that age.”

  He smiled, thinking back. “I could demolish two pizzas and still have room for your mom’s lasagna.”

  She laughed again, a natural smile lighting up her face. It made him ache somewhere inside. “And breadsticks.”

  He chuckled. “Got that right. At least that hasn’t changed. Got any breadsticks?”

  Her laughter lit him up inside, making him feel warm. This, this is what we used to have. Easy banter, gentle touches.

  More than anything he wanted to keep this moment going.

  “I’d like to say my appetite has dulled with age, but it’s still there – I never seem to be able to get enough.”

  She gasped lightly, and he looked back at her, letting go of Ivy’s hand as the child scampered ahead of them into the house.

  He looked at her, confused. What had he said? It had been going so well. He’d been talking about food and…ugh.

  His mind chastised him. The innuendo suddenly hit him. He’d been talking about insatiable appetites and how it hadn’t dulled with time. He’d truly meant food, but now that he thought about it…to her, it probably seemed to apply to other areas as well.

  “Neve, that’s not what I meant,” he said, carefully trying to tread water and back away from the situation without her becoming upset by what she may have perceived to be an advance.

  But she surprised him again. Instead of reacting like he’d expected – affronted, angry – she just grinned mischievously.

  “So, it has dulled with age, then? That’s a shame. You were always so…ravenous.”

  He gulped as he listened to her tinkling laughter as she went into the house ahead of him. He’d been frozen to the spot from shock by her unexpected and funny comment.

  Well, damn. She’d beat him at his own game. He was left ogling her denim-clad rear and gaping after her. Had she just…no, she couldn’t have meant that. Had she?

  Fascinating and dangerous and so, so damn sexy. She’d be the death of him. He was sure of it.

  He followed his two ladies up into the house, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. This was just an innocent dinner, not an invitation to seduce the love of his life. He sighed. He needed to stop thinking of her in that way.

  She had been the love of his life. She wasn’t his anymore.

  Chapter 9

  Almost all through dinner, Neve still struggled to calm herself. It was odd, having Connor in her house like this, with Ivy. It was almost like a normal Friday night dinner, with Cyrus helping himself to another Christmas cookie and Ivy joking around about him eating her share. “Ivy, let Cyrus have as much as he wants. They’re our guests.”

  “He’s not a guest,” Ivy disagreed with a devious smile. “He’s my brother.”

  Both Connor and Neve’s forks clattered to their plates with synchronized clangs. But Connor was the first to talk. “What did you just say?”

  Ivy looked at Cyrus and then back at Connor, then to Neve, confused. “What? What did I do? Am I in trouble?”

  Neve patted Ivy’s hand. “No, honey. But Cyrus isn’t your brother. He’s more like a…”

  She looked at Connor, her eyes pleading him to help, struggling to come up with a fair association label.

  Cyrus ended up being the one to help supply himself with a label. “Like an uncle. I’m your uncle.”

  Neve gulped. So much for finding a way not to put Connor and Cyrus in Ivy’s life for good.

  Ivy squealed. “An uncle – that’s even better! Mia says brothers are stinky.”

  Cyrus grinned and looked at Connor. Seeing his brother’s serious grimace, the grin started to fall. “What? Did I say something wrong? What’s wrong with uncle? It’s true, isn’t it?”

  Connor sighed, unable to refute his brother’s very accurate point. He looked over at Neve who was staring at Ivy.

  Neve pursed her lips, sighed, and said, “Yes, honey. Cyrus is your uncle.”

  Connor let out a relieved breath. As excited as he was to be here in this home with the three most important people to him on this planet, he did not want to unsettle the peaceful life that Neve and Ivy had built for themselves. He was glad that Neve had let this pass, but he couldn’t help feeling even more guilt. He was beginning to feel like all he could do was upset her life – one way or another.

  Cyrus seemed to sense the growing tension and asked Ivy to show him her room. Ivy smiled with excitement. “Can I, Mama?”

  Neve nodded yes and the two scampered upstairs, leaving Connor and Neve alone again. She cleared her throat and began clearing the table. Connor jumped to his feet to help.

  “It’s fine. I’ve got it,” Neve said to him.

  “Honestly, Neve, I think it’s about time I did something helpful around here.”

  Neve froze after hearing his words, bent over the table with a plate in each hand. She looked stunned, like a deer in the headlights of a speeding truck. He slowly leaned over the table and gently took the plates from her hands. He took them through the kitchen door and turned on the sink faucet.

  Neve was stunned. She didn’t know how to proceed – was he saying he was going to start taking care of her? Of them? Was he just talking about the dishes? The awkwardness was so intense!

  Before she could decide how to proceed, he came back from the kitchen to clear more dishes.

  He kept his eyes on the messy table and told her, “It’s okay, go sit down. I can take care of this.”

  Neve was still astounded but she had to admit to herself that she didn’t mind not having to do the dishes for once. Unsure of what else to do, she shrugged and took her glass from the table to go sit in the living room. She sat cross-legged on the end of the couch and stared off into space, trying to sort through everything that was going on.

  She barely moved or blinked, so the time it took Connor to finish clearing the table and doing the dishes flew by in an instant. He actually startled her when he came and sat on the opposite end of the couch. She jumped slightly, then went back to staring into space.

  Connor felt satisfied that she had allowed him to do something around the house. It was one set of dishes compared to seven years of being left alone to raise their daughter but at least she was letting him do something. It was starting to drive him insane, knowing that there was nothing that could make up for the past and feeling so unable to change it.

  His mind raced with all the ways he could be helping them. The ideas were coming too fast.

  Whoa, I’ve gotta back down for a sec. Who knows what Neve will let me do? Maybe after a bit of time, she won’t even want me coming around anymore. It really is a lot of change for her. Tread carefully with what you say now.

  Neve seemed to read his expression and he could see her brace herself for what he might say next. He understood how she felt. There had been an onslaught of emotions lately and he could sense that she was probably just tired of the rollercoaster ride ever sin
ce he’d gotten to town.

  He tried to calm his nerves, knowing that she needed to hear this. He couldn’t help but speak with brutal honesty, admitting the things he’d never been able to say out loud before.

  “Neve, I can’t ever make up for what I’ve put you and Ivy through. I know that there’s too much, but I want you to know that I want to help now. I am so grateful that you’ve let me see her and spend time with her tonight. Just tell me how to do my part and I will do anything.”

  Neve seemed surprised at this. He hoped that it did make her feel slightly better to hear him admit that he could never make it right. Because it was certainly true. The scars she had gained in this town as a young, unwed mother would never heal. Explaining to a confused toddler why her father wasn’t here had likely ripped her heart open. She probably still felt wary of Connor and unsure about trusting him.

  He waited for her to think several minutes before she finally answered, “Regardless of how I feel about it, you’re her father. It would hurt her more than you to not let her see you. As far as you helping, I don’t need anything from you. I just want you to know that if you try to take her away, it will hurt her and probably kill me.”

  The stark honesty and pain in her voice slayed him. His face darkened, and his head slumped forward. He ran his hands up over his face and in a low, unsteady voice answered, “I want to be a part of her life, but I would never try to take her away. I don’t know how to raise a child. I still need your help just to know what to do with her. And I wouldn’t do that to you. Ever. It would kill me to watch your heart break. I left so I wouldn’t have to see it once. I would never want to do it again.”

  Neve had started crying after the last thing she said but she acknowledged what Connor said with a nod. Before she could say anything more, the sounds of excited footsteps thudding down the stairs filled the house. Neve wiped her eyes and she turned toward the staircase to see what Ivy and Cyrus were up to.

  Ivy appeared from the stairwell wearing a pink princess dress and at least twenty pieces of costume jewelry. She had put on some of her mother’s lipstick and was giving off an overwhelming smell of perfume. Cyrus followed behind, looking unamused in a small plastic cowboy hat and pink sunglasses. It was obvious that Ivy had required her new uncle to participate in dress up time as well.

  Ivy presented herself to Connor and declared, “I’m a princess.”

  Connor laughed out loud at the sight of her ostentatious costume and agreed, “You sure are. You are the most beautiful princess that I have ever seen.” Then he eyed Cyrus, the cool cowboy uncle, and poked, “And you sure look cool, partner!”

  He thought it was a good sign that Cyrus was so good with Ivy. At least his brother still had a playful piece of heart left inside of him.

  Cyrus nodded with a reluctantly amused smirk on his face.

  Neve broke into the scene and told her daughter, “Well, pretty princess, it is getting late. I want you to go put your dress up things away, brush your teeth and get ready for bed.”

  Ivy looked disappointed but replied, “Fiiiine. Can Daddy read me a bedtime story?”

  Neve and Ivy looked at Connor at the same time. Connor answered, “I’d love to.”

  Ivy took Cyrus’ hat and sunglasses and skipped upstairs to get ready for bed. Connor scrunched his brow and whispered to Neve, “What kind of story does she want? Are there books up there?”

  Neve giggled slightly as she answered, “Yes, there are books and just ask her - she won’t be shy to tell you exactly what kind of story she wants. Although I’m guessing she’ll be in the mood for a Christmas story. After all, ‘tis the season.”

  Connor nodded and took a deep breath before heading upstairs to perform his new fatherly duties. The creak of the stairs under his feet brought memories flooding back to him. He remembered the way he had felt nervous the first time Neve had him over to study and he followed her up these very same steps. He remembered the way she had walked up ahead of him, unaware of how he was being ignited, watching her hips sway up every step.

  On the second floor, he passed the bathroom door on the right and then the door to Neve’s old room. The door was open and, with the hallway light pouring into it, he could see that it was still her room. It looked as if the girly posters of kittens and boy bands had been replaced but her bed, the bed they’d shared, was still the same place in the corner opposite the door. His skin warmed as he recalled the shape of her laying naked on it that last night. The way she looked, waiting for him to take her.

  He was lost in recollection for a moment until a small voice chimed, “I’m ready!”

  Connor looked down at Ivy. She was standing in front of him with her arms stretched upward for him to carry her. She was wearing footed pajamas with reindeer printed all over them that were slightly oversized and made her look even smaller.

  Connor bent over and scooped her up. Her little arms flew around his neck and squeezed him tightly. He felt her small soft cheek resting on his collarbone and it absolutely melted him. His heart raced and he wished the moment would last forever.

  He walked slowly into her room, absorbing the details of his daughter’s life that were displayed in her room. He could tell by the toys and the bedding what some of her favorite cartoons were. He saw the massive collection of her drawings all over the walls. Just this moment, just this one tiny moment in time changed his life forever.

  He’d never be the same again. He’d never look at a unicorn without thinking of Ivy, he’d never see a stuffed pink piglet without thinking of his daughter.

  His daughter.

  God, he’d never get tired of saying that.

  Ivy released her grip on his neck and faced her bed. He lowered her onto it and she wiggled beneath the covers. He stood over her, watching as she situated herself up on her pillow and pulled her many stuffed animals into place around her. Once she was satisfied, she looked up at him with a look of happy contentment. Connor stood and waited for her to be ready.

  He finally asked, “What story do you want me to read tonight?”

  Ivy made a face as if pondering a deep question, with her finger and thumb on her chin. She hummed, “Hmmm. I want you to make a new story.”

  Connor raised his eyebrows and nervously agreed, “Okay. A new story.”

  His mind raced, trying to conjure a story that a child would appreciate. He felt like it was his first day at a new job and the boss was watching him.

  He looked around the room and instinctively grabbed a notepad and pencil off the desk, then pulled the chair over to the bed and sat down. He took a deep breath and put the pencil to the pad. Connor knew that drawing helped him relax and concentrate. Without having any real idea of what to make a story about, he began, “Once upon a time, there was a little reindeer. The reindeer lived with her mommy and daddy in a big nest in the forest.”

  “Was the reindeer’s name Ivy?” the little girl interrupted.

  Connor grinned and answered, “Yes! How did you know? The little reindeer’s name was Ivy. She was the sweetest, prettiest, and smartest little reindeer in the whole forest. She had been practicing flying, because she wanted to help fly Santa’s sleigh someday. Her mom and dad helped her practice every single day. They would stand together and get into flying position, ready for takeoff. Ivy was working really hard on it and one day she felt especially brave so she decided to go for it.”

  Ivy’s eyes grew large with anticipation as Connor described the scene. He continued, “Ivy got into position, closed her eyes, and pushed forward. And do you know what happened?” Connor quizzed.

  Ivy was enthralled by the story and whispered, “No. What happened?”

  Connor smirked slightly and continued, “She started flying. She flew high up into the air. She flew to the clouds and the soft puffy clouds tickled her little reindeer hooves.”

  This made Ivy giggle and Connor went on, “She flew over the park and waved at all of her reindeer friends who cheered for her. She flew all over the forest. Wh
en she got home, her parents were waiting for her. They were so excited that she could finally fly all by herself that her mom baked her a cake.”

  Ivy interjected, “Was it a carrot cake? Because reindeers eat carrots. Me and Mommy leave carrots for the reindeer every year, so they have something to eat while Santa eats his cookies.”

  Connor chuckled at this and agreed, “Yes. It was a delicious carrot cake. They all ate the cake together until it was time to go to bed.”

  While Connor had been speaking, he had been drawing something on the notepad in his lap. He let Ivy take in the last of the story and then asked, “How was my first bedtime story?”

  Ivy grinned at him and said softly, “It was a great story, Dad.”

  Connor smiled, pleased that he had managed to get her approval with his improvisation. He looked down at the notepad and offered, “Well, I’m glad you liked it – and here. I want you to have my inspiration for the story.” He handed her the notepad.

  From beneath the covers and a small mountain of stuffed animals, she reached up and took the pad. Her eyes lit up as she exclaimed with awe, “You drew me.”

  Connor had made a perfect sketch of Ivy tucked into bed and even included the small toy unicorn, pig, cow and teddy bear that were wedged around her. Connor stood, pulled the blanket snug around her and leaned over to kiss her goodnight.

  She tilted her face up, kissed him back and sweetly asked, “Is it okay if I love you?”

  Connor had to blink away moisture in his eyes after hearing this and breathlessly replied, “Yeah. Yeah, it’s definitely okay. Just remember – I’ll always love you more, sweetheart.”

  Fatigued from his first performance as a dad, he turned her light off and slowly retreated downstairs. He found Cyrus and Neve sitting on the couch chatting.

  When Connor came back into view, Neve asked, “How did it go?”